Today’s question was sent by Maite, a Spanish-speaking mom that is concerned her daughter is not learning enough English since they use the ml@h (minority language at home) method.

“My husband and I are native Spanish speakers and we have a girl of 3 yrs 9 months. At home we only speak Spanish and have been very consistent with this practice, since we both want our daughter to be bilingual and be able to communicate with our family. She’s been in a Montessori school since she was 2. We have noticed that her Spanish is much better than her English. She is very shy and we think that part of this may be associated with her not understanding everything the teacher/peers say. Not sure about this, but it’s a hunch. In any case, we’re wondering what to do next: keep speaking Spanish at home 100% and let the school be her connection to English, or split with the one-parent-one-language to “bring her up to speed”. Currently, we read to her in both languages, but our way of communicating is in Spanish. The TV she’s allowed to watch is in English (Elmo, Disney movies, etc). Thanks in advance for the advise.”

Dear Maite,

I wouldn’t worry about your daughter’s English being less developed than her Spanish. She is not even four and since you live in the U.S., she has a lifetime to learn English. In fact, I think you have adopted the perfect strategy for your daughter: push the minority language at home and let the environment outside the home teach her English. This includes the preschool, the media, and even your reading to her in this language. With time, you will see that her English will become stronger and, most likely, it will become stronger than her Spanish. This is because once children are no longer all day with their parents and spend considerably more time in school and with peers (usually from age 5 on), the influence of the majority language – English – becomes ‘massive.’ Children at this point not only hear more English around them but they become extremely aware of the prestige of English as a language as opposed to their home language. They realize that everyone pretty much uses English in all circumstances as opposed to Spanish, which is usually relegated to the home environment. So by age 8 or 9, most of these children who did not know much English until 4 speak better English than their home language, and prefer English to their home language. Some children even get to the point where they refuse to speak their home language, and might answer in English when addressed in Spanish.

This is to say that you should not worry about your daughter’s English. Given her age and the place she lives, she is definitely not at risk for not learning English. The shyness that you describe is just a temporary phenomenon that children experience when they are not yet completely fluent in a second language. It does not have life-long repercussions or effects on self-esteem. In fact, it is fairly common and harmless for children at this age – monolinguals or bilinguals – to not be able to express or understand everything that they want to say or that is being said to them.

What you should be worried about is to keep up your daughter’s Spanish, and continue the many opportunities you have provided so far for her to learn this language. Remember that these are crucial years for her to develop the home language. These are the years during which she is building a strong foundation in this language, a foundation that would be impossible to build at later years given the environment where she is growing up (there are not many opportunities to use Spanish outside the home). When it comes to English, however, your child will have plenty of opportunities to hear it and practice it as she grows.

Simona Montanari, Ph.D.

Simona Montanari, Ph.D., is an expert on early multilingual development and Assistant Professor of Child and Family Studies at California State University in Los Angeles. You can learn more about her here and read her previous inspiring answers to our reader’s questions here.

Dr. Montanari is located in the Los Angeles area. For more information or to schedule a phone/in person consultation contact her at smontan(at)calstatela.edu.

Do you have a question for our experts? Remember no question is too big or too simple. So, to send us your question, please click here or leave a comment below. Thank you!

----------------- FEATURED SPONSOR -----------------
--Ingenio-Bilingual Toys

--Latino Educators- Bringing Bilingual Educators and Parents Together
------------------------------

Today’s question was sent by Jasmine Caruthers. She’s pregnant with her first child and, both she and her husband know they want their child to learn Spanish even if they don’t speak it themselves.

“I am pregnant with my first child and both my husband and 
I speak English. However, I would like to raise my child to speak both 
English and Spanish. I was going to send my baby to a bilingual 
speaking school but I am having trouble locating any in Alabama. I 
really do not know how to go about doing this but it is important for 
my child to be bilingual. Do you have any advice on how to raise a 
child from an English speaking home, to speak Spanish? Thank you much.”

Dear Jasmine,

First of all, I think it’s great that you are so “enlightened” and convinced to raise your child bilingually even if both you and your partner are monolingual. There are a lot of people in the US who do speak two languages themselves, but are afraid of teaching them to their children for fear that they will lag behind in English or not learn it as well as other monolingual children. So, again, it’s great that you understand what a great gift it is to give your child two languages and see him grow bilingually.

The fact that neither you nor your husband speak Spanish makes your wish a bit more difficult to realize because you will truly have to rely on someone else for providing that extra language for your child. But I believe that your motivation and encouragement will make it possible.

I think the best way to go is to try to hire someone – a Spanish-speaking person – to spend time with your child in the early years (ideally birth to five and beyond). I am not sure how realistic this is for you but if you work and can afford a nanny/au pair, this would be the most successful strategy that I can think of. Be specific when you hire this person that you want him/her to speak Spanish to your child and not English. Barbara Zurer Pearson’s book “Raising a Bilingual Child” warns that many nannies end up using English with the children they watch, both because they want to practice English or because the child might speak English to them. You might want to be very firm and explain to your nanny that you are specifically hiring her/him to teach Spanish to your child, and so that no English should be used.

I used this strategy myself. When my first daughter was one and a half and my youngest was a newborn I hired a Spanish-speaking nanny to work for us for 36 hours a week. I was lucky because this woman spoke no English or Italian (which I speak to my daughters), so my daughters soon learned that they had to interact in Spanish with her. Today, at 5 and 3 and a half, my youngest daughter is pretty fluent in the language and the oldest speaks Spanish almost natively! In addition, they speak English (which they are picking up from dad and school) and Italian. It is truly amazing to see these little people move so easily back and forth between languages! And, for Spanish, I owe it all to my nanny. The new challenge will be for me to maintain Spanish-speaking opportunities for my daughters as they grow. But the nanny definitely planted the seeds.

If the nanny is out of the question, then you will have to rely on schooling. You should look everywhere in your area (as far as you are willing to commute) to find a bilingual daycare, preschool or school. Unfortunately, these are hard to find, but if you are willing to commute a bit you might increase your chances of finding one (I myself will start driving 26 miles a day this September to bring my oldest daughter to an Italian-English dual language school).

Finally, if even the school option is out, then you might have to scale down your dream of raising your child bilingually, although you can still help him/her learn some Spanish. You can do this by participating in Spanish mommy-and-me classes, by playing Spanish music and videos, perhaps by participating in Spanish-language play groups, etc. These activities won’t make your child bilingual but they might introduce him to the language, and therefore help him learn it later when new opportunities (i.e. Spanish language classes, Spanish-language programs) arise.

I wish all the best to you, your baby and your intent to raise him/her bilingually.

Simona Montanari, Ph. D.

Simona Montanari, Ph.D., is an expert on early multilingual development and Assistant Professor of Child and Family Studies at California State University in Los Angeles. You can learn more about her here and read her previous inspiring answers to our reader’s questions here.

Dr. Montanari is located in the Los Angeles area. For more information or to schedule a phone/in person consultation contact her at smontan2@calstatela.edu.

Do you have a question for our experts? Remember no question is too big or too simple. So, to send us your question, please click here or leave a comment below. Thank you!

----------------- FEATURED SPONSOR -----------------
--Ingenio-Bilingual Toys

--Latino Educators- Bringing Bilingual Educators and Parents Together
------------------------------

“Hi there! I am happy to have found your website! My husband and I are expecting our first baby and I want to know the best way to raise our child bilingual. Both my husband and I are Mexican, bilingual (he born in Michoacan, my parents from Queretaro but I was born here, both educated in California).

Among our relatives, the second generation (nieces/nephews) fall into one of the following:

1. Refusal to learn or speak Spanish;

2. Those who don’t know Spanish (some because my uncles, aunts were teased for their strong accent that they didn’t want their own children to struggle with that;

3. Those who speak Spanglish, ex: “Grandma, yo ’stoy hungry, quiero food” or “ven mija para ponerte tus shoes”.

Of all 3 situations, the one I struggle with the most is the last one, mostly because as I grew up my grandfather adamantly corrected me and would make me re-phrase it correctly. Also, I work as a substitute teacher in a school district where 89.1% of the children are Hispanic and notice how much Spanglish is being spoken in the playground among the children born here and even being adapted by the children going through an ELD program. I notice I am following my grandfather’s footsteps, but is that the best solution?

I would love to get your insight on this.”

Dear Gloria,

I love your question! Mostly because the issues you discuss are the most common issues you encounter while raising children bilingually and probably the biggest challenge that prevents parents from raising bilingual children.  I have so many friends that are giving up because their kids refuse to speak the minority language or mix languages – something that often scares parents.

First of all, let me start by saying that it takes effort to get your child to speak two or three languages.  This is because we live in a country in which English is the dominant,  most prestigious, and most well supported language around our children. Since children become aware of this really early (my research would say as early as one year and ten months), they often tend to gravitate towards it, never learning, leaving behind, and in the long run, forgetting any other language that they have been exposed to.

One way to avoid this is to provide, in the early years (0 to 5), a language environment that emphasizes the minority language. This can be done if the child is at home with you, he/she is taken care by a Spanish-speaking caregiver, or attends a bilingual or Spanish language preschool.  Most importantly, in order for the child to learn the minority language, it is crucial that, during the early years, he/she is raised in a nurturing and stimulating environment where he/she can have plenty of interaction in this language and form an overall positive experience and connection with it. He/she also needs to see – on a daily basis – that this language is valuable, that many other people speak it, and that you are proud of him/her using it. Recall that the minority language is in a weak position with respect to the majority language, and it needs extra nurturing and attention (this is basically why so many children in the US who heard plenty of Spanish in childhood never learned it, refuse to speak it, or lose it). Once the child is in this position, he shouldn’t get into the “don’t want to speak it” trap, at least until adolescence (but that’s another issue – he/she won’t forget the language then).

As for mixing languages, expect that early on, at least until age 3, the child will mix languages, even if you don’t do it. This is completely normal and harmless since the child is learning both languages and won’t know all words in either one. However, it is how you react to mixing that determines how much language mixing the child will do at later ages. If the child mixes languages or uses the “wrong” language with you (i.e. English if you use Spanish), do not just show understanding and move on with the conversation. Show to your child that although you might understand, you expect Spanish because this is the language that you speak. When the child is very young and says “ball” pointing to a ball, say something like “yeah, daddy (or grandma or Susie) says ‘ball’ but mommy says ‘pelota.’” When he/she is a bit older,  ask him/her to rephrase what he/she is saying using only Spanish (yes, your grandpa’s strategy!). Of course you can’t force the issue because you want your child to enjoy talking to you.

At the same time, if you do want him/her to eventually be able to really speak the language (fluently, not like a second language learner), then you must socialize him/her into keeping the languages separate from the start – Spanish at home and English outside, Spanish-only sentences and English-only sentences. This can be done fairly easily if, again, you adopt this strategy from the moment the child is born. It just becomes so natural to the child to use only one language with you, that language mixing is abandoned as soon as he/she has enough vocabulary and is even frowned upon by the child. I adopted this strategy myself and my daughters never, never address me in English. In fact, they get furious if I use even a single English word when talking to them (“don’t speak like that!!” – they scream). However, they use plenty of Italian with their English-speaking father because he has always accepted Italian from them. The result is that at 5 and 3 and a half they are completely fluent in Italian but they still use sporadic Italian words in their English, especially the younger one.

This tells you how important it is the way we react to language mixing. I really feel that it determines how proficient the child will eventually become in the minority language.

Good luck,

Simona

Simona Montanari, Ph. D.

Simona Montanari – Assistant Professor of Child and Family Studies at California State University in Los Angeles. She is the department’s expert in early multilingual development and has a PhD in Linguistics from the University of Southern California. Simona is Italian and she’s also a mommy to trilingual daughters aged 3 and 4 1/2. In addition, she conducts workshop titled: “How to Raise a Bilingual Child” in the LA area. You can read her answers here.

As always, feel free to leave your thoughts or advice about this in the comments below. You can also leave your own question for the Experts here.

We invite you to visit our new sister site, SpanglishBabyFinds, where we review the coolest products made with Latino and/or bilingual kids in mind. There’s a giveaway every week!

----------------- FEATURED SPONSOR -----------------
--Ingenio-Bilingual Toys

--Latino Educators- Bringing Bilingual Educators and Parents Together
------------------------------

Photo by gfpeck

Yesterday Roxana kicked off the week with an introduction to a four-part series we’ve prepared on baby sign language, or ASL, as a bridge connecting two languages.  Teaching sign language to your baby is the equivalent of teaching him an additional language.  For your child to fully be able to communicate in ASL it requires a strong commitment and dedication from the parents, like learning any second or more language does.  However, and especially for families using the one parent-one language method,  learning the basics of ASL to use as common ground between all in the family is very helpful.

Simona Montanari, Ph. D.

Today’s Ask an Expert question is specifically about this topic.  Simona Montanari, Ph. D. tells us in more detail, and from an expert’s point of view, why using ASL is beneficial for OPOL families. The question was sent by Jason, a high school Spanish teacher using the OPOL method to raise a bilingual son.

Is Baby Sign Language Helpful to Second Language Acquisition?

I am a high school Spanish teacher who is trying to do the one parent-one language method with my six month old son. I was wondering if baby sign language would hinder, help, or otherwise, Spanish language acquisition?

Dear Jason,

You can rest assured: teaching your child baby sign language will not hinder his Spanish-English bilingual development. In fact, it might help it.

First of all, baby sign language is not like regular sign language in that it is incomplete. You are not signing to your child in full sentences, but you are only teaching him basic words that he may need to communicate, such as “hungry”, “thirsty”, “more”, “please”, and “thank you.” These signs are from the American Sign Language dictionary but they have no morphology attached to it – no affixes or inflections as found in ASL – so they are simple enough for a child to imitate. In addition, hand gestures are much easier for a baby to pick up than spoken words, which require precise tongue and lip movements, so children can use baby signs to convey their needs to their parents before they have words.

This is where the benefits of baby sign language are the most obvious: signing can help children alleviate the frustration of the inability to communicate, and can boost babies’ feelings of satisfaction and accomplishment. There is no evidence to suggest that babies who are taught to sign are in any way hindered in language development. It is actually believed, as noted by Linda Acredolo and Susan Goodwyn, authors of Baby Signs: How to Talk to Your Baby Before Your Baby Can Talk, that children who are taught to sign learn to speak sooner than those who are not, and, because they have more experience with language (sign and spoken), they end up with a better grasp of language and better communication skills that those of non-signing children. In sum, baby sign language will help bi/multlingualism, in addition to stimulating intellectual development and providing a strong foundation for early literacy.

So you can go ahead and keep using signs, Spanish, and English with your baby. If you are consistent, your child will initially use only signs to tell you what he wants; as time goes on, he will learn words and will use both words and signs together. Finally, he will gradually drop signs and use only words. Of course if you are teaching your child ASL and not just single signs, then your baby will go on to learn ASL and will be trilingual in Spanish-English and ASL.

Don’t forget we’re giving away two copies of Monta Briant’s book, Baby Sign Language Basics. Go here for more info on how you can be one of the winners!

Make sure you’re subscribed to our free feed either by RSS or email so you don’t miss out on the rest of this highly informative and useful week.

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------------------------------

Photo by daviddesign

Recently we have received several emails and comments from English-speaking parents who are serious about giving their children the gift of another language. We count ourselves among the lucky that are able to speak a second language at home and almost innately pass it on to our kids. Even so, we know it’s hard work. So, you have no idea how much we respect parents that are making a conscious effort (because it is one) to work hard at creating language-learning opportunities from the get go.

One such example is our cyber-friend Karen who is learning Spanish while teaching it to her two sons. She’s so passionate about it that she writes a blog, Teaching Learning Spanish, where she shares all the Spanish language resources that she finds useful.  If you haven’t yet, we suggest you read a guest post she wrote for us a couple of months ago: Spanish Not Your Native Language? You can Still Raise Bilingual Kids.

Simona Montanari, Ph. D.

Today Simona Montanari gives some excellent advice on this topic. She’s an expert on early multilingual development and Assistant Professor of Child and Family Studies at California State University in Los Angeles. You can learn more about her here and read her previous inspiring answers to our reader’s questions here.

We Don’t Speak Spanish but We Want Our Child to Learn

Today’s question was sent by Jasmine Caruthers. She’s pregnant with her first child and, both she and her husband  know they want their child to learn Spanish even if they don’t speak it themselves.

“I am pregnant with my first child and both my husband and 
I speak English. However, I would like to raise my child to speak both 
English and Spanish. I was going to send my baby to a bilingual 
speaking school but I am having trouble locating any in Alabama. I 
really do not know how to go about doing this but it is important for 
my child to be bilingual. Do you have any advice on how to raise a 
child from an English speaking home, to speak Spanish? Thank you much.”

Dear Jasmine,

First of all, I think it’s great that you are so “enlightened” and convinced to raise your child bilingually even if both you and your partner are monolingual. There are a lot of people in the US who do speak two languages themselves, but are afraid of teaching them to their children for fear that they will lag behind in English or not learn it as well as other monolingual children. So, again, it’s great that you understand what a great gift it is to give your child two languages and see him grow bilingually.

The fact that neither you nor your husband speak Spanish makes your wish a bit more difficult to realize because you will truly have to rely on someone else for providing that extra language for your child. But I believe that your motivation and encouragement will make it possible.

I think the best way to go is to try to hire someone – a Spanish-speaking person – to spend time with your child in the early years (ideally birth to five and beyond). I am not sure how realistic this is for you but if you work and can afford a nanny/au pair, this would be the most successful strategy that I can think of. Be specific when you hire this person that you want him/her to speak Spanish to your child and not English. Barbara Zurer Pearson’s book “Raising a Bilingual Child” warns that many nannies end up using English with the children they watch, both because they want to practice English or because the child might speak English to them. You might want to be very firm and explain to your nanny that you are specifically hiring her/him to teach Spanish to your child, and so that no English should be used.

I used this strategy myself. When my first daughter was one and a half and my youngest was a newborn I hired a Spanish-speaking nanny to work for us for 36 hours a week. I was lucky because this woman spoke no English or Italian (which I speak to my daughters), so my daughters soon learned that they had to interact in Spanish with her. Today, at 5 and 3 and a half, my youngest daughter is pretty fluent in the language and the oldest speaks Spanish almost natively! In addition, they speak English (which they are picking up from dad and school) and Italian. It is truly amazing to see these little people move so easily back and forth between languages! And, for Spanish, I owe it all to my nanny. The new challenge will be for me to maintain Spanish-speaking opportunities for my daughters as they grow. But the nanny definitely planted the seeds.

If the nanny is out of the question, then you will have to rely on schooling. You should look everywhere in your area (as far as you are willing to commute) to find a bilingual daycare, preschool or school. Unfortunately, these are hard to find, but if you are willing to commute a bit you might increase your chances of finding one (I myself will start driving 26 miles a day this September to bring my oldest daughter to an Italian-English dual language school).

Finally, if even the school option is out, then you might have to scale down your dream of raising your child bilingually, although you can still help him/her learn some Spanish. You can do this by participating in Spanish mommy-and-me classes, by playing Spanish music and videos, perhaps by participating in Spanish-language play groups, etc. These activities won’t make your child bilingual but they might introduce him to the language, and therefore help him learn it later when new opportunities (i.e. Spanish language classes, Spanish-language programs) arise.

I wish all the best to you, your baby and your intent to raise him/her bilingually.

Simona Montanari, Ph.D., is located in the Los Angeles area. For more information or to schedule a phone/in person consultation contact her at smontan2@calstatela.edu.

Do you have a question for our experts? Remember no question is too big or too simple. So, to send us your question, please click here or leave a comment below. Thank you!

----------------- FEATURED SPONSOR -----------------
--Ingenio-Bilingual Toys

--Latino Educators- Bringing Bilingual Educators and Parents Together
------------------------------

Photo by lepiaf.geo

Hard to believe it’s barely been two months since we launched SpanglishBaby.  In such a short time we’ve connected with amazing people and read inspiring stories about your own bilingual journey that so many of you have shared in the comments, thru emails and as guest posts.  We truly feel this community is growing strong.

We’ve learned that one of your favorite categories (and ours as well!) is Ask an Expert.  We feel privileged to have gathered such a professional and caring panel of bilingual experts to help us answer your many questions about raising bilingual and bicultural children. Please, keep the questions coming!

Simona Montanari, Ph. D.

This week we welcome back our very first expert, Simona Montanari.  She’s an expert on early multilingual development and Assistant Professor of Child and Family Studies at California State University in Los Angeles.  You can read more about her here.

Is it too late to start with the One-Parent-One-Language method?

This week’s question was sent by Neyzza Martinez, mamá to an 18-month old boy.

“I live six months in Puerto Rico and six in the U.S.  At first I talked to my son in English and my husband talked to him in Spanish. I stopped doing it when he was 18 months because a neighbor told me he could get confused and that I should only introduce one language and later the second one when he was fluent in the first one. He is two and a half now and some of his words are in Spanish and some in English. I want to know if I can start talking again to him in only English and my husband in Spanish because it’s very important to me that he speaks both. Please let me know if it won’t harm his speech, and if it is safe to do that. Thanks.”

Dear Neyzza,

Of course it is safe for you to speak English to your child and for your husband to use Spanish with him! Thousands of families around the world have been successful in raising bilingual children just by doing that, each parent using their own language with the children. This approach, called the “one-parent-one-language” method, has been widely researched and it has been shown to be one of the most successful methods for raising bilingual children.

For children who hear, from birth, one language from one parent and another language from the other parent, learning two languages is just the most natural outcome since this is what they have been taught to do. So, by hearing you use English and your husband Spanish, your child learns naturally that English is what he should speak with mommy and Spanish what he should use with daddy.

In addition, I can reassure you that children who hear two languages from birth do not get confused: decades of research have shown that children’s brains have all the capacities necessary to cope with and fully master two or more languages if they are given the opportunity to hear and practice these languages on an everyday basis. The idea of confusion in bilingual children is really a myth, an old belief prevalent in monolingual countries that has almost become political.

So, explain to your neighbor or anybody else that has something to say about your language practices with your child that plenty of research shows that children who hear two or more languages from birth don’t get confused; in fact, this is the perfect time for children to acquire languages. Although children can also learn a second language after one has already been established, the best method remains, to my opinion, exposing the child to those languages from birth. When learning a second language in childhood, children do not follow the same “unconscious” strategies that they follow when learning two languages from birth; learning might be more explicit, it might produce more errors, and the course of development follows a somewhat different path. So, as long as you can provide your child with sufficient Spanish and English on a daily basis, use those languages with your child consistently from day 1.

Also, make sure that you remain consistent in your use of English and your husband’s use of Spanish over time. In other words, don’t fall in the same “trap” you have ended up in. Children whose parents mix languages or use both languages with them (as in your case using English first and then Spanish) might end up preferring the language that they hear more or that is supported in the community. If your child feels a better connection to Spanish, hears more Spanish overall, or sees that the community uses Spanish, he might decide to just learn and use Spanish, the language that he considers most important.

However, if you socialize your child into ALWAYS using English with you, then that will be less of an issue. My own children think it is extremely awkward to use English with me (and never do it) because I always stuck to my native Italian when talking to them. This is true even if we live in Los Angeles and the majority of people out there don’t speak Italian. The fact that you live six months in Puerto Rico and six months in the US will really help you raise a truly bilingual child. Keep the hard work up and good luck!

Simona Montanari, Ph.D., is located in the Los Angeles area. For more information or to schedule a phone/in person consultation contact her at smontan2@calstatela.edu.

Do you have a question for our experts? Remember no question is too big or too simple. So, to send us your question, please click here or leave a comment below. Thank you!

----------------- FEATURED SPONSOR -----------------
--Ingenio-Bilingual Toys

--Latino Educators- Bringing Bilingual Educators and Parents Together
------------------------------

Photo by otama

From conception, both Ana and I knew we wanted SpanglishBaby to become a place where you could come and ask your questions about this fascinating challenge of raising bilingual children. We hoped to be able to do that in an array of ways: posts with valuable and educational information; links to other resourceful sites about bi/multilingualism; our own daily experiences bringing up two bilingual toddlers; and of course, because we don’t have all the answers, advice directly from the mouth of the experts themselves!

That’s why we welcome all your questions–particularly specific ones about the actual process, issues you might be facing right now and wished you could get a direct answer. So, pretty please send your questions our way. We will send them to one of the experts that have so graciously accepted to be a part of SpanglishBaby. Once a week, we will post one question followed by our expert’s answer so that everyone can share the knowledge.

So without further ado, let me introduce our first expert. Her name is Simona Montanari and she is Assistant Professor of Child and Family Studies at California State University in Los Angeles. She is the department’s expert in early multilingual development and has a PhD in Linguistics from the University of Southern California. Simona is Italian and she’s also a mommy to trilingual daughters aged 3 and 4 1/2. In addition, she conducts workshop titled: “How to Raise a Bilingual Child” in the LA area. Bienvenida, Simona. We’re very happy you are a part of the SpanglishBaby family.

And, now for our first question:

I feel like I’m excluding him…

Our first question comes from Mayra Rocha, mom to a 2-year-old boy, who she’s trying to raise bilingual using the OPOL method (one parent-one language) in Miami Beach, Florida. “I speak Spanish, my husband only speaks English and I’m doing my best to speak only in Spanish to my son.  The problem is I feel awkward doing it at home when my husband is around because I don’t want him to feel left out. He hasn’t said anything and since my son is just learning how to speak, I’m mostly worried about later on. How do I handle this?”

Dear Mayra, Think about the amazing gift that you are giving your child when speaking Spanish to him! He will be bilingual (and perhaps bi-literate) as an adult. His bilingualism will open a world of opportunities for him: he will be more likely to do well in school;  will have a better understanding of where you and his family members come from; and he will develop more sensitivity to/tolerance for other cultures. In addition, because of his ability to use two languages, he will be highly valued in the job market. So, does it matter that your husband doesn’t understand everything you’re telling your child? Is it worth it to forgo the endless possibilities of a bilingual upbringing for your child just because your husband doesn’t understand when you’re telling him to put his socks on or turn the TV off? I think your husband will be happy to sacrifice understanding everything that is said between you and your child once he sees that becoming bilingual is in your child’s best interest.

In addition, consider that it takes kids at least three years to become fluent in a language. If you consistently speak Spanish to your child every day around your husband and he’s sufficiently motivated to learn it, he can easily pick up quite a bit of it in three years. I have met many fathers (including my own husband!) who did not speak their wife’s language before their children were born, but learned a great deal of it by overhearing conversations between their wife and their children. Some, like my husband, were so motivated that even took classes in that language and became decently proficient in it. Now, fathers will never end up as bilingual as their children. But, initially, they will be learning the language faster than their children and will be able to make a lot of progress in a just a few years.

So, my advice is, explain to your husband what is at stake and what is likely to happen to both him and his child if you keep speaking Spanish around them. I am sure he will agree that bilingualism is worth the efforts  and sacrifices.

Simona Montanari, Ph.D., is located in the Los Angeles area. For more information or to schedule a phone/in person consultation contact her at smontan2@calstatela.edu.

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